and his pediatrician flipped out on me. Can you freaking believe it?!?!
I told her that his nose looked different than my husband’s, and I’d like them to look the same. This should avoid any awkward questions when he’s older. The doc looked at me like I was insane and told me that was no reason to perform elective surgery on a neonate.
I told her that the girls would probably like him better when he started dating if he had a nose-job. Again, baffled, the doctor told me that she could not, and would not, perform cosmetic surgery on a newborn for such a ridiculous reason.
I told the doc that I had heard a rumor that my son would be less likely to get rhinitis later in life if we removed a little of his schnozola. Starting to show a little concern for my parenting, she told me that there was no conclusive evidence to support elective surgery as a means of effectively preventing complications or infection in adulthood.
Starting to get impatient, I told her that I just wanted to get this over with. After all, my son would probably decide later in life that he’d like a designer nose, so it was better to just have it done now while he was too little to remember, and probably couldn’t feel it anyway. Looking at me like I was bonkers, she asked me what made me think that this perfectly formed little person wasn’t capable of feeling pain. Hadn’t he shrieked when he had a tiny pin-prick to draw blood from his heel? Of course he could feel pain!
I told her that I thought it would be easier for him to keep his nose clean if we just took a tiny bit off. I could see the doc making a mental note to call child protective services on my crazy ass, but she humored me and explained that it’s very easy to teach a child how to properly clean his nose.
I told her that I was afraid that years later, all of his friends at school might have a certain kind of nose, and that he would be ridiculed. The doctor told me that everyone’s nose is different, and that she would not be performing elective surgery on a newborn for such an asinine reason.
I told her that I heard that lots of people were having their newborns’ noses done. She didn’t even have an answer for this one… she was just so shocked that her jaw hung open!
I told her that this was my baby, and I wanted this nose-job done today! After all, how risky could it be?!?! The doc told me that performing surgery on a newborn is always risky, and should only be done when absolutely necessary for the well-being of the baby.
END OF DISCUSSION.
No nose-job would be happening for my baby today.
Disappointed, I began to leave.
But then I remembered the other reason I had brought my baby in to the pediatrician’s office that day.
“When can we have him circumcised?” I asked.
“We can fit him in today if you’d like!” replied the doc. “Although your insurance doesn’t cover it any longer so you’ll have to pay the full $500 up front. Is that okay?”
“Sure!” I replied, as I walked my baby back.
In retrospect, the nose-job probably wasn’t a good idea. Thank God my son’s pediatrician has the integrity to refuse to perform cosmetic surgery on a newborn!
Tags: Circumcision
Since someone asked for it… If it’s not your dick, you don’t get to decide. End of discussion.
Couple of points….
1. For those that seem to have trouble comprehending the seeming 180 at the end of the article, this is parody. The writer did not really try to get her baby a nose job. She also very likely never had a baby circumcised, considering the point of the whole freaking article. Does no one understand parables anymore?
2. I don’t have a penis OR a baby, and I still have a strong opinion about this topic. Why would I care what you do to YOUR baby’s genitals? If you sexually abused your baby, I would sure as hell care. If you starved or neglected your baby, I would care. If you beat, shook, burned, kicked or stabbed your baby I would care. So if you are threatening to cut off a healthy part of his body while he is too young too protect himself or even protest, damn straight I am going to care. Someone has to.
Minyassa – Thanks for reading and jumping in!
Before I had a freaking clue, I actually DID have my first son circumcised because the hospital class basically lied and said 95% of boys were being circumcised (It was actually 50/50 at the time) and that it was way more hygienic. When he was two months old, I learned the truth and I was PISSED. 19 months later, my second son was left intact. The fact that I was lied to the first time is why I am so passionate. http://peachykeenbirth.com/blog/2010/11/21/a-public-apology-to-my-circumcised-son/
LOVE it!!! This sums it up so well!! Our”cultural norm” doesn’t allow people to see circumcision for what it really is – this relays it perfectly…..very clever!
Very well put, loved this! going to link it from my blog!
Excellent Article! As one who was put through this invasive, unnecessary, and pleasure reducing surgery against his will as an infant, I really appreciate people like you exposing this human rights violation, and in such an eloquent manner. I’m posting a link to this on my intactivist pages. Thanks a lot!!
I am in my 40′s so when my son was born in 1989, i had no information at all about circumcision, the only thing i knew was that everyone (to, me, at 19, ‘everyone’ was my immediate family) had their boys done and all the males i knew had been done. And honestly, i sincerely don’t remember anyone even asking me whether or not i wanted it done. i only remember the nurse coming in and telling me ‘we are taking him for his circumcision now, i will explain to you how to care for it’ so i just said ‘OK’! I never tell young pregnant women that they should or should not do it, but i do explain it to them, if they will listen, and i suggest they research it before making the choice. I had no idea it was a choice, i honestly just assumed every male was circumcised! Now, 22 yrs later, my 82yo UNcircumcised FIL JUST RECENTLY had to be circumcised because apparently he has been having serious infections for years, (I DO NOT BELIEVE UNcircumcised men are more prone to infection, this just happens to be the case of my 82yo FIL, about which I do NOT know the full details). My only reason for telling about my FIL is that I believe once a man is an adult he can decide for himself. IF for whatever reason he chooses to have it done, he can, I dont think anyone has the right to decide for him when he is born. BTW, i asked my FIL and he told me honestly, yes, the recovery hurt, but he said it was no wheres near as painful as he thought it would be, and he said he thinks that it would be MUCH MUCH more painful for an infant and despite the years of infections, he is glad he was left intact and allowed to make the informed decision himself as an adult!
i really enjoy this post. So motherly. You cannot take that to a mother to think of the future of her children even ask this absurd question of getting a nose job for your infants. Though, in rhinoplasty there’s a required age for the surgery.