A few weeks back, I posted on Facebook that I was making Chicken and Dumplings in the Crockpot. Quite a few people said they wanted the recipe. I told them I would post it once I knew if it sucked or not. Well, it did not suck… in fact it rocked out loud. So here ya go – this is EXACTLY how I made it.
This makes about 4 servings. In a large Crockpot, you can’t quite double this or it will overflow as the dumplings expand… please ask me how I know this. >:-( I dare you. But you CAN definitely increase it by 1.5x rather than doubling it if you’d like more.
STEW:
2 cups sliced carrots
1 medium onion, chopped
3 ribs of celery, sliced
2 14-oz cans chicken broth
2/3 cup flour
1 lb boneless, skinless chicken breast, cut into chunks
1 pound small red potatoes, cut in half or quarters depending on size
1 package (6-8 oz) mushrooms, sliced in half
3/4 cup frozen peas
1 tsp dried basil
3/4 tsp dried rosemary, crushed
1/4 tsp dried tarragon
1/4 cup heavy cream
1 tsp salt
1/4 tsp pepper
Booze of some sort
DUMPLINGS:
1 cup biscuit mix (Bisquick, for example)
1/4 tsp dried basil
1/4 tsp dried rosemary
1/8 tsp tarragon
1/3 cup milk
INSTRUCTIONS:
1. Combine carrots, onion and celery in slow cooker. Tell the kids to stop arguing over who was playing with the cardboard center of the empty toilet paper roll first. Damn it, kids in Somalia don’t even have toilet paper, so these kids should feel lucky they even have ONE dut-dut to argue over!
2. Stir in chicken broth, reserving 1 cup. Remind the kids that although it’s only 10:00 AM, you are already thinking of their dining pleasure, and it would help if the 4-year-old would stop whining that the 6-year-old is looking at him. And seriously, 6-year-old, just stop freaking looking at him if it’s making him whine. Okay?
3. Cover and cook on low 2 hours. Realize that the 2-year-old is being way too quiet. Notice that she has found a pen and is decorating the walls of her room with “shircles” (circles). A+ for knowing your shapes.
4. Place broth into a Tupperware, or other container with a tight lid. Add flour and shake like a madwoman until it’s completely blended. This method avoids clumps. Stir into slow cooker. Tell 2-year-old to stop running along the back of the couch (yes, that’s right, the BACK of the couch!) for like the 80th friggin’ time. Notice that you’re only 29 but you already have a very, very slight frowny-line between your eyebrows simply from having a 6-year-old, 4-year-old, and 2-year old. That’s a bummer.
5. Add chicken, potato, mushrooms, peas and herbs. Note that these kids better appreciate the work going into this. How many moms are already cooking dinner at noon? Kudos to you!
6. Cover and cook 4 hours, or until veggies are tender and chicken is cooked. FINALLY! Now you can take a break from this crap and go referee the fight that is about to ensue over one child repeating the other!
7. Stir in cream, salt and pepper. Realize that you forgot to buy cream. Pack all 3 kids in the van and run to the store for freakin’ cream! WTF!!! But damn it, this meal IS happening, so not getting the cream is NOT an option. Good Lord, you need a personal assistant.
8. For dumplings, combine biscuit mix and herbs in a medium bowl. Look at the clock and notice that it’s 5:00. Feel happy that dinner is still on schedule, but feel sad that it’s way too early for a mom to start hittin’ the booze.
9. Stir in milk to form a soft dough. Wow, still only 5:02. It’s 6:00 somewhere, right? These kids have been insane today.
10. Spoon dumpling mixture on top of stew in 8 even spoonfuls. Realize that one dumpling is way bigger than the others. Even though it matters in NO way, it still irks you.
11. Cook, uncovered, 30-60 minutes, or until dumplings are firm and toothpick inserted in the center of the dumpling comes out clean. Realize that while you were making the dumplings, the 2-year-old has “helped” you clean by pouring hand soap all over the bathroom floor, and the 4-year-old and 6-year-old have “helped” you work by quietly finding a crayon and drawing some bitchin’ pictures on some papers that were to be sent to the students who just signed up for your childbirth classes. Decide that 5:18 is a perfectly acceptable time to have a glass of wine or a beer.
12. Serve in shallow bowls. YUM!
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