Do you feel like “natural childbirth” is a myth? I ask about this in my first class.

- Did you have a natural birth?
Me: “So have you told anyone that you’re thinking about ‘going natural’? What has been the reaction?”
I get a range of answers. Some have had generations of natural births in their family and find immense support. Some have a local network of like-minded mamas cheering them on. However, most are not that fortunate.
For most, when they relay what their friends or family (or random strangers in the supermarket) say, it falls along the lines of:
“But it’s going to hurt SOOOOO bad!”
“Why would you want to do that when we have epidurals?”
“The medication doesn’t even get to the baby, so don’t be a martyr.”
” (EYE ROLL) Yeah, let me know when you give up and BEG for the meds!”
Okay, first off, in what other area of life does anyone tell you how epically you’re going to fail? If you wore a shirt that said “I’m going for my doctorate in electrical engineering!” how many women would come up to you in the grocery store and tell you that there’s no way in hell you have the huevos to go through with it?
Yet somehow, the big pregnant belly gives every Tom, Dick and Harry (Or Betty, Mildred and Ethel) the right to come right up and tell you that there’s no way in hell you’ll ever make it to 3 cm without BEGGING for an epidural, or death itself.
So if you have no other friend or family member telling you that you can do it, let me tell you that now you have at least ONE! And within a few weeks, by looking at the comments, I bet you’ll have a few.
I HAD A NATURAL BIRTH!!! It was amazing, empowering, awe-inspiring, healing and perfect.
You know what it wasn’t? Painful, scary, or unbearable.
Let me break down those common arguments…
“But it’s going to hurt SOOOOO bad!”
Me: No, it really didn’t. It felt like strong period cramps. Not writhing in pain. And then it felt like taking a huge dump. Not tearing in half. Sorry there’s no prettier way to put it, but that’s what it felt like. And taking a huge dump isn’t scary.
“Why would you want to do that when we have epidurals?”
Me: Because:
a) I want to experience giving birth. Just because I do.
b) Epidurals DO screw with the birth process.
c) Epidurals DO increase the risk of cesarean (due to fetal malpositioning due to mom’s limited range of motion, fetal distress because of low blood pressure and/or pitocin use due to ‘slowed’ labor, inability to push, etc.).
d) I just want to piss you off and/or apparently feel like I’m superior to other women, I guess.
“The medication doesn’t even get to the baby, so don’t be a martyr.”
Um, yes it does. Anyone who tells you it doesn’t is either:
a) Lying
b) Misinformed
I don’t know which is scarier in a care provider.
Peaceful Parenting sums it up nicely, but if you’re all a-skeered of hippies, here’s a link to the page of the Cedars Sinai website where they at least admit that epidural medications DO reach the baby. They then go on to spew that it is rarely sufficient to affect the baby, although we know that there is evidence contradictory to that. But it’s nice to at least hear a medical organization on record admitting that the meds DO get to the baby, what with the fetal scalp blood samplings and all.
” (EYE ROLL) Yeah, let me know when you give up and BEG for the meds!”
Me: Okay, and YOU let me know when you finally give up and beg for a Ho Ho instead of losing that 20 pounds, bitch! (EYE ROLL)
What, so it’s okay to belittle someone’s hopes for a natural birth, but not their hopes to lose weight? Either way you have to have knowledge, a plan and supportive people surrounding you. So, ya, if someone makes fun of your potential ability to give birth, you have my permission go right ahead and make fun of their fat ass. It’s on like Donkey Kong at that point.
So in summary, and believe me I got way off point here, if everyone is telling you you can’t have a natural birth, and you don’t know anyone who has had a natural birth… well now you do! I did it, I loved it, and I would do it again in a heartbeat! And I know other mamas have done it, too!
“But it’s going to hurt SOOOOO bad!”
“Why would you want to do that when we have epidurals?”
“The medication doesn’t even get to the baby, so don’t be a martyr.”
” (EYE ROLL) Yeah, let me know when you give up and BEG for the meds!”
“But it’s going to hurt SOOOOO bad!”
“Why would you want to do that when we have epidurals?”
“The medication doesn’t even get to the baby, so don’t be a martyr.”
” (EYE ROLL) Yeah, let me know when you give up and BEG for the meds!”